Not much to tell...

Went running this morning, not very far though. I'll run more tomorrow. I have to seriously restrict this week cuz I've been between 125 and 126 for weeks now and I have to start losing again.
Grrrr I hate this..... I WILL LOSE WEIGHT THIS WEEK

I want ta smoke.....

SO BAD RIGHT NOW!!!!! These fake ones aren't doing the trick :''''(

Today is blah

So, today is one of those really boring, not much to do types. I really want to workout today, but somehow I don't have the energy/motivation. I really wanted to tan today, but it wasn't hot enough. Tomorrow we're going to the beach, it'll be a nice excuse not to eat most of the day. Tomorrow, I'm going to try to stay under 300 and today I've eaten a lot (1000) but no more, just lots of water and sleep. I need to get rid of the sinus headache I've had for days now and keep my mind off of food since I'm going to start my period soon :(
Grrrr.... water weight.... fun.

Job interview for D

Yay! So my hubby has one job offer and another interview, so our hardwork is finally paying off, I also have sort of an in process interview with a company offering me a good amount of money and *fingers crossed* I'll get it and this job will also enable me to do online school which will be lovely so I can finish my degree.

I'm still hovering at the same weight, haven't really lost any for about a week or so. Hopefully by the end of next week I can be down a pound or so. I'm trying to slow down a bit on the weight loss thing so as to not get so starving that I wind up binging. So, over all I'm feeling better about myself and my situation.

Lets see... food I've eaten today... 1 yogurt, 1 oat meal packet, couple bites of mac and cheese, and a couple bites of orange chicken = 800 (probably less than that though)

I've been smoking a crap load of those vapor cigs and that has really hindered my appetite lately, I can't even think about eating right now..... I'm just not even hungry at all.

I've also started taking my ephedra diet pills again, 3 a day, tomorrow I'm going to try to up it to 4 a day.
I haven't felt much like exercising though, just not a whole bunch of energy and until my lungs heal up from smoking regular smokes (which I've since quit) I don't think I'll have the energy I need, but when I do I plan to take up running again.

Food is pointless

So I've come to the conclusion that really all food does is satisfy this temporary desire for taste and makes you feel good for the few minutes you're enjoying, but the second you're done eating you just feel like shit and so guilty that what the hell is the point in eating? I mean other than the few calories one needs to survive it's just a vice to most. The key is to find enjoyment in other things, more fulfilling things. I hate food. All it does is make us fat and gross and the enjoyment is so temporary. Have you ever noticed when you watch your favorite shows or movies how little you actually see the characters eat, if ever? They have such busy lives that are focused on other things. Ha ha, well that's what I was pondering...

Dinner at my parents house was....

a little weird, dad totally saw me give the majority of the food on my plate to the dog and kept giving me weird looks all night. Never said anything... thank God! I really didn't eat much, but had to eat something in front of them which kinda screwed up my 5 day fast. Starting over tomorrow, so Monday through Friday all I'm going to eat is something under 200 calories in the late morning and to boost my metabolism and thats it! No more mess ups, if I have to I'll avoid being social for the next 5 days just to get through it uninterrupted. I'll load up on iced black coffee, black tea, and tons of water and I will do all my bikini tone up exercises EVERY SINGLE DAY..... I have to stay motivated.
My fake cigs should be here soon (yay!) in so many yummy flavors so that should help with cravings :)
Good luck with tomorrow's intake, gals :)

Rejection

I applied to this online magazine type thing to do some part time writing on some topics and I just got a response.... they don't want me :'( I am so sick to death of turning my resume in to so many places and getting nothing back!
I totally forgot that tonight I'm going to my parents for dinner and going to a bbq this afternoon, I'm just going to say that I'm not feeling well and some other excuse not to eat.

A Gorgeous Day :) and pix of me

It's a bright beautiful sunny day this morning in California and I'm so glad to be back here rather than that crap hole, North Carolina.
I'm sooooo excited, I just ordered a starter kit from one of those electronic cigarette websites. I ordered the Volcano Cigs, cuz they had better flavors than the Blu Cigs and the refill products were cheaper. So, I'm def on my way to getting healthier lungs :) And I'm going to let my mom try them, and if she like em' then I'm giving here a kit for Mother's Day.
Today's fast is going well so far, the only thing I'm not too happy about is the colon flush pills I took yesterday :-P .... they are starting to kick in and man can I feel things rumbling about in my tummy. Ouch! Oh well, at least in 5 days I'll probably be down to 124lbs :) At the end of my fast I'm going to post some body shots.

SceneQueen, where you from? Aus or GB?

Party last night...

Last night I threw a party and got so drunk off 2 coke zeros, lime juice, and captain (fav drink ever) that I passed out wayyyy too early and my hubby said that people kept saying that I can't hold my alcohol anymore cuz I've become such a twig.

Love it :)

You know you're starving and getting thin when....

1. you get totally drunk off 5oz of wine
2. physically can't fit more than half a fist full of food in your stomach
3. your clothes are baggy
4. people make comments about how skinny you are

First Day of Fast

Ok, so today is Day 1 and I'm doing really good today.... too bad its freezing today.... I hate being cold.
All I've had today is a cup of black coffee and diet soda.

I still can't find a damn job.... been looking and applying EVERYWHERE!!! I've been sending in about 15 apps per day and still no calls for interviews.... its really begining to piss me off :(

3 day weekend fast

So, I have been eating too much the last three days, I think it's cuz I've been around my hubby and I feel more comfortable with eating around him, cuz he likes it when I eat, but I fear that all I've been doing is maintaining 125/126 and not losing, so Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I'm going to have my typical black iced coffee in the AM and then around lunch I will have a yogurt and thats it. I will continue the day with a lot of coffee and coke zero and then starting Monday I will do heavy restricting and probably weigh myself Tue or Wed.

Bachelor Pad

So, I just talked to my hubby on the phone, who is road triping back to Cali with his best friend and we are suposedly moving in with his friend, but when I asked what the plan was for tonight when he gets in town he's all like "oh we're just going to chill, shower, hang out and drink beer" and it didn't even sound like I was welcome, even though it's where I am going to be living. I have a mind to just let him live there and I'll stay with my parents.... I mean he's making sound like his new bachelor pad. Lame.... I'm a little put off by his tone and the fact that he doesn't even sound like he misses me at all or cares if I fricken live with him.

Intake today: 1 grapefruit, 4 cups black coffee, 2 strawberries, 15 walnut halves

Going to bed hungry

Well, today I did good and I'm starving... which is a good sign :) I'm def noticing a difference. I get to see my husband tomorrow, I haven't seen him in over two weeks so I really miss him :)
Lots of unpacking and moving to do Monday so that will burn a lot of calories. I'm so excited for the Job Fairs I'm going to this month *fingers crossed* we'll both have jobs by the end of April.

By the way

None of the pix I post are of me.... I'm too nervous someone will see the blog and realize I have a problem.

Oh and my hubby and I are doing much better, he should be home soon and we are looking forward to seeing eachother. He promised he'd treat me better and try harder to find a job so I guess I'm ok..... for now.

ate a bit too much today and yesterday

even though my tummy is still growling.... I know I'll do better tomorrow. I've started this new tone up routine to get rib of jiggles when i finally go to the beach. I do feel smaller though, and my clothes are bigger too :) I just have to keep it up for 10 more pounds till I'll wear my bikini.

125lbs!!!!

Yay!!! I dropped weight without even trying. Now I just got to find the motivation to tone up... when I have some energy :( I love this picture because she is suck a f*cking toothpick and i LOVE it, totally amazing...