Hungry but won't eat

HA! take that growling tummy! I REFUSE!

so D just asked me if I wanted to go see a movie with him and our friends.... hahaha I was like "no" he's like "why don't you want to see a movie with us?" I was like "do I really need to explain that to you?" I mean I haven't fucked him in like two weeks and I've stopped wearing my wedding ring..... you'd think he'd figure out that I don't want anything to do with him, much less sit through a movie with him.

Giving up on my marriage....

So, I've been really busy at work. I'm trying to go to the gym 5 days/wk for an hour after or before work. I'm stuck at 124/125 lbs and haven't lost in a while, so I need to do some heavy restricting this weekend and for the next two weeks.
My marriage is so totally gone to shit.... I've stopped caring and so has he. Everything about him either pisses me off, disgusts me, or annoys me. The thought of sleeping with him just bothers me.... I'm working on moving out. I want to be able to get some computer certifications in the next six months and get a higher paying job or a raise, enough to support myself.
I'm not going to bring it up to him till I'm ready to 100% leave him and never look back.

Living with him makes me miserable and I just want to move on..... get on with my life.

I use to not want to leave him because I was still in love with him and I couldn't stand the thought of him being with another woman, but now I don't even care. That's how much I've fallen out of love with him. We haven't even reached our three year anniversary..... its a good thing we waited on the kids.

I just want to get trashed and.......

....... forget everything about my life.
So, I'm pretty sure I have appendicitis. I've been having this progressively worse pain in my left abdomen a little above my liver. It's a throbbing pain and it's been getting worse over the last two to three months.... it started about 6 months to a year ago. I don't have health insurance for another 2.5 months so I'm not sure what to do about it.

Yes those are pix of me

I can't stand the way my husband treats me..... all I can think about is leaving him and falling in love with someone else...... I guess that's horrible. But I can't stop thinking about it.

He acts as if I'm not there at all.... I'm not ugly.... not even close... so I don't inderstand :''''(


I've even lost weight... I'm considered "really skinny" and "hot" so why doesn't he think so.....
I'm so broken up about our stupid, meaningless marriage....

Been so busy...

new job and all.... I've been working 40 hours/wk and then I come home and make dinner and apply for jobs for my hubby who just wants to sit and play wow all day and buy himself fast food and do little things here and there to find jobs... not enough though if you ask me.

I'm way over stressed and have not been eating much or exercising as much as I should.

He told me not to worry about taking care of him and his job situation, so fine I won't. I just don't think it or anything else will get done. Whatever.... I'm sick of caring so much.

We got in a fight today..... its bugging me.... everything is bugging me..... the fact that I'm doing the amount of 3 people's jobs at work and not getting paid enough for it is one of them.

Well on my way to 122lbs, should be there within a week... I guess that's a good thing :)

I feel good

Today I feel pretty good about myself, I'm fitting in both my size 2 jeans..... soon that will be a size 1 :)
So far I've been going to the gym 5 days a week and tonight I'm going to a weight training/cardio class for an hour. I figure if I do one intense hour a day that will make quite a difference. I'm trying to add Saturdays and then just go for a jog on Sundays. I need to get back to church though sometime. But I don't want to join a church right as we're moving again, that always sucks.
D's job fell through, they didn't have enough work to keep him going, so he's interviewing up north tomorrow, for more pay. The only problem is, the only place remotely close to where he works that we can afford to live is Corona and its way more inland, I'm so use to living close to the beach..... :'(

124lbs

Well, I've been stuck up and down between 126 and 128, I'm 124 totally empty and clothesless.
I feel ok about it, I feel more encouraged that I can get to 110 sometime before the summer's over. My only concern is how do I maintain it once I get there? I feel like it will be this constant struggle.
I hate when D brings home Jack in the Box... so tempting, but I didn't eat it, instead today 2/3 bag of pop corn.
I did an 50 min of cardio and some glute machines. My guess is about 500 calories burned today. I'm just really trying to pace myself and not get out of control which is what I was last week..... D's b-day, too many frosting-less cupcakes I binged on :'(

I'm going to post my weight in two weeks and hopefully I should be around 123 or 122.

We might be moving up to the LA area cuz he has a job offer.... that'll be different.