I have lived the last two years couped up in a tiny Marine Corps town who's only highlights, to the mainly horny and unfortunatley underpaid, young eager men of the USMC are strip clubs, chain restaurants, adult video stores, and bars. God, there are so many sad little dive bars there. Nothing like what you'd find here in the best state in the union. Southern California is just this amazing buzzing giant metropolis filled with anything you can imagine to do.... ha just as long as you have that widely needed green wad that seems so hard to chase in this wonderful economy. Thanks to whoever is keeping us from being a self sustaining country by drilling for our own oil in Alaska and therefore producing a shit load of must needed jobs. 10% unemployment rate my ass, we all know its higher than that.
I totally went down a rabbit hole and now to get back on target... I really do think that I've fallen out of love with my husband and its really starting to bother me. I'm not the type to agree with divorce or someone who even thought I would one day be seriously considering it, but I'm not sure what to do at this point. He is not the person I fell in love with and I don't think he will be again. I'm really not the one that changed believe it or not, he is. I have always been ambitious and have wanted the same lifestyle that I grew up with for my own children someday (which thanks to God that I don't have any yet). I have goals for my life and I always have had the same shit planned out for my life since I was 12. He, on the other hand, use to give a crap about making money, being romantic and creative, having babies in the near future... and now what???? He is lazy, unemployed (with no drive), horribly boring in bed, and thinks I should be near my 30s before having kids. He was totally different when we first got married and my unhappiness in my marriage has made me into this bitter bitch not only toward him, but toward myself and my family. I've been getting depressed and I no longer want to go out and see my friends or even try to have a good time. He and I are always fighting and it never gets any better, so is divorce the answer? Should I just plan that within 6 months I will be able to comfortably support myself and we will divide our worthless minute personal belongings till there is nothing left of our lives together to fight about? Its sad because I'm not sure how I will identify myself as being single again. He was my first serious relationship and the only man I've ever slept with and I just don't know how I'm going to alter my life this significantly without damaging myself and him permanantly. I know I can find someone out there who is better for me, so maybe I just need to hang onto that and keep positive about this weird time in my life.
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